#always putting the support of others above my own as though it be more important

[fallen-for-the-stars]

Rule number 1!

Always be your biggest supporter, it may be easier said then done for most people, but trust me when I tell you it’s important, relying on the support of others affects your mental health!

[tarysande]

There are a couple more Garrus-Vakarian-related hills I'm willing to die on.

Maybe this particular bit of fanon has faded over the years, but there used to be a lot of insistence that Garrus is young and somehow inexperienced when he meets Shepard. Canon doesn't really support this. Turians start their mandatory service at 15. Garrus has at least a decade of experience. Even if he's 2-4 of years younger than Shepard (according to Patrick Weekes), he's got at least as much field experience as she does by dint of the difference in turian and human "enlistment" ages.

Garrus is really damn good at his job at C-Sec. You don't give the Case of Investigating the Rogue Spectre to a greenhorn. You give it to your best, most tenacious agent. Pallin may not always approve of Garrus's actions, but that doesn't actually stop him from putting Garrus on the tough case. Also, we don't know much about how C-Sec works but we do know a bit about how the turian hierarchy works, and we know C-Sec was essentially a turian initiative. That means it's a meritocracy where failure reflects on the superior, not the one who failed. So, in roughly a decade (Shepard's 29 in ME1; I always think of Garrus as about 27), Garrus has not only done shipboard military service, but he's also risen to be one of C-Sec's top investigators; Pallin wouldn't risk having Garrus's "failure" reflect poorly on HIM otherwise. I'd say that actually makes Garrus as remarkable in civilian law enforcement terms as Shepard is considered to be within the ranks of the Alliance military.

Of course Garrus was scouted by the Spectre program. And honestly, if his dad hadn't stepped in, I think Garrus would have become a Spectre, no problem. Especially for a turian, he's cut from precisely the cloth the Spectres would be looking for: extremely skilled, extremely capable, and--most importantly--he's a turian not just able but willing to work outside the chains of command that turians are taught from birth to revere and be loyal to above all else. This is the reason Pallin is leery about Spectres: he's a good turian. Good turians follow straight lines; they don't carve out their own paths.

Garrus's dad's not dumb, and he's not cruel, and he, too, rose to the top of the C-Sec hierarchy. He took one look at his kid, I think, and said, "I love my child, but I'd say it's a 50-50 chance he ends up a shooting-first-asking-questions-later Spectre like Saren Arterius, and I don't want to see that happen." Yeah, he uses his parental influence to try and jam square-peg-Garrus into round-hole-C-Sec and Garrus resents him for it, but there's no way he did it just to stop his son from getting his way or because he doesn't like Spectres. I expect Vakarian Sr. had to clean up more post-Spectre-interference messes than we can possibly imagine. But we also know he and Alec Ryder were pals later.

So the importance of what Garrus learns from a Paragon Spectre Shepard is this: You can't just do what you want and claim the ends always justify the means. That's what Saren does. Over and over again. Garrus's code and his idealism and his sense of justice and his ability to work alone should make him a great Spectre, actually, but he needs Paragon Spectre Shepard's actions to show him the lesson he tells her he's learned during ME1: "If the people I'm sworn to protect can't trust me... well, then I don't deserve to be the one protecting them." (And the seed of Archangel was planted.) I think for the first time he realizes that even though he believes his sense of justice to be correct, it doesn't matter for shit if he can't show others why that's so. And that's where the trust comes in. (Also, ow, the extra level of importance this gives their exchange where she tells him she trusts him and he tells her she's about the only friend he has left is... a lot. Cool, cool. I'm totally fine. Nothing to see here.)

When Shepard asks him what happened on Omega, he replies, "My feelings got in the way of my better judgement." Something tells me that this never happens to "good" turians, which just makes the line so much more devastating. And although the lesson some might take away from this is "feelings bad; no feelings ever," the "grey" that Garrus has to learn to deal with is precisely the grey of recognizing feelings, validating them even, but not acting on them until they've been examined. (Which is why my Shepard stands between him and Sidonis; she doesn't give a shit about Sidonis. But Garrus has refused to process his own feelings of failure and self-loathing, so they have to take the therapy session to the Citadel and deal with it there.)

Ahh yes. The mountain range of character analysis.

[alwayscorvus]

Hello! I like your headcanons and I would like to suggest an idea. Can I request Jiyan from Wuthering Waves with a reader who was a slave in childhood and still has a barcode on his/her neck? I'm sorry if there are mistakes. English is not my native language 💕

Barcode on my neck

malereader x Jiyan, fluff;

warning! some heavy topics mentioned but no drastic details and no sexual aspects about reader

Brooo thats such a good idea. Like I would want to read something similar myself, I just don't know why exactly I got this request when I don't have enough telent to use this potential :”) Still thx and here it is:

And don't worry about your english, i'm not a native speaker either

Officially no more Jiyan request, I ran out of screenshots to make graphics [*] nah jk jk but this profile is really changing from wuwa profile to jiyan profile while im better with other characters…

You were never ashamed of your “mark,” as you used to call it. You also never hid your past. Yes, it may not have been bright and you would have given up a lot to be able to avoid it. But it also made you who you are right now. It turned you into a tough person. True, you could have grown up that way under less tragic circumstances. But at least you tried to take comfort in the fact that maybe thanks to your sacrifice someone else didn't have to suffer. That maybe you took someone else's place. Place of someone who wouldn't have had the will to fight to survive. Persistence that would allow them to free themself from this chains. Besides, ever since you regained your freedom you have been doing your best to crack down the idea of slavery for good.

You gained strength and attitude while still being young. Since childhood you served under corrupt nobility. Cleaning, running with tea, feeding farm animals. Year after year carrying heavier and heavier goods. From behind the curtains, watching your master, negotiating more and more deals.

This gave you the foundation for starting your own organization. Sure, at first you worked alone. But over time, others joined in. People with the same ideas, those you saved, or those who lost their siblings in similar circumstances.

At first you had to dispense justice by force. As infamous as it may sound. With tricks, you snatched victims from the hands of their oppressors. With fights you made them understand to never make the same mistake again. Back then, it was the only solution. When army couldn't help. And even refused to, bribed with money stained by suffering of innocents. When law changed, people got more aware, and slavery finally became a fact, not just a taboo topic swept under the rug, it was easier for you. Since society began to exterminate what you were fighting against, you could move on to less drastic methods.

You pretended to be important figures, gathered evidence, brought anonymously to the court. You traveled around and saved more and more. Even though you could never get enough, you were proud of what you had accomplished.

For some time. Until you met him.

Jiyan. He was the sweetest and most caring person on world. Always looking out for others. Put other people's well-being above his own. Never forgot to send his subordinates on much-deserved vacation. While he himself stayed up all night in the base. He rushed them to lunch and dinner while he forgot to eat. Moved to the front line, taking the most damage and rescuing his close ones. He was just so kind. So generous, thoughtful. And what's more, so intelligent, hardworking, resourceful. You were totally head over heels for him. And no, you would never in your life suspect him of supporting slavery or showing no sympathy for those who went through it. But you were still afraid of his reaction. Suddenly you felt dirty. After all, conditions in which you “worked” were awful. Especially when they sent you to the animals. You didn't maintain basic hygiene. You weren't worth wasting water on it. Except the time of guests visits, you walked around the residence in sacks. Until they tore to the rest. Your master didn't even bother to look at you. Would it have been the same with Jiyan? Would he feel disgusted? Start keeping you at distance? Or would he take you at his mercy? Start looking at you only through the prism of your past? Stop using your full potential?

Your heart would probably break at this sight that would accompany it. You wouldn't be able to stand it.

For the first time since childhood, you began to feel ashamed of the black ink adorning your neck.

When visiting Huanglong for the first time and meeting Jiyan, you put your organization on hold and covered your neck with thick turtlenecks.

You joined the army as a volunteer. Served under Jiyan's command. You spent more and more time together, and your friendship grew. You matched each other perfectly and both of you caught each other's eye. Your relationship moved smoothly to a higher level.

General never picked too much interest your unusual tastes. But one particularly hot summer he began to look suspiciously at your closet. Worried about your health, looking for potential disorders in your sense of temperature that could later threaten your well-being. He began to ask if you weren't feeling too hot. Whether everything was alright. After all, he covered himself up pretty well, but his clothes were made of a special, highly breathable fabric. To ease the situation you followed his footsteps and provided your closet with similar outfits. Though in a different color theme. Jiyan was satisfied, but only for a moment. It was really starting to get suspicious. Especially when you started sharing a bedroom with each other. He could understand sleeping wrapped up in the winter. But during the vacations? Were you ashamed of him? Jiyan began to feel insecure. He started to blame himself.

You saw this and couldn't forgive yourself.

Yet you were still afraid.

In the end, Jiyan couldn't stand it. At one evening, he pulled you onto a bed for a talk. You avoided his gaze while he looked at you hopefully.

You both held hands. Jiyan gently massaged your palm with his thumb, trying to give you some encouragement. And you squeezed him to the point when it started to feel unbearable.

Finally, you let him go. A shudder of anxiety went through Jiyan. Had he overstepped the boundaries? Did he make you feel uncomfortable? Did he just ruin everything that you two had built together? Do you want nothing to do with him anymore?

But you just closed your eyes, took a deep breath and reached for the hem of your clothing. You pulled it upward. Slowly exposing your body. You tossed the material aside and waited.

Jiyan looked at you surprised. Concerned, he began to scan your body. Too worried to be carried away by feelings that caused him to blush slightly at the sight of your sculpted stomach.

General was searching for something. Some kind of mark. A scar or a birthmark. Something that could “taint” your chest. He furrowed his brow unable to see anything.

You waited and waited. But after no response, you sighed again. You leaned your neck to expose it better. A row of numbers and a barcode made with some crappy ink appeared in front of Jiyan's eyes.

He froze. You could only hear him gasping for air in shock and when a pile of thoughts rushed through his head. He involuntarily lifted his hand up and you shuddered slightly.

-Can I?

You nodded. It's not like you could take it back anymore.

You felt a touch on your neck. Gentle, warm fingertips caused a pleasant tingling sensation. Forgetting the meaning of your mark, you earned a flush similar to that adorning your partner.

-Is that-…?

He wanted to confirm but words got caught in his throat. He was devastated. And at the same time so bloody sorrowful.

-Yes. It's a barcode. Exactly like the ones worn by slaves. Same ones to which I also belonged.

You explained briefly not wanting to prolong the moment. It was hard for you anyway. Not exactly because you were going back to the past but rather because you were worried about the future.

Jiyan didn't know how to respond. He never showed his emotions too boldly. He didn't have any special communication skills. Oh how damn sorry he was when he couldn't pour out all his feelings onto you. This sympathy and love that was once taken from you.

He clenched his fists tightly and ground his teeth.

You knew him well enough to know that he didn't know how to deal with this. This information had to be too overwhelming for him. Exactly as you expected. His well-being was the most important thing for you. So you had to reassure him as soon as possible.

-It happened when I was still a kid. I got sold at young age. I was mainly a helper, bottle washer. I got hit a few times, but as you can see not often enough or-... hard enough- to leave any scars. I didn't live in the best conditions, but for the men it wasn't the worst. You don't have to worry about that. My owners have never crossed the line.

You stuttered out quickly. As you got older, you talked about your feelings unmoved. Trying to take away any impact from these events. Not wanting to burden Jiyan more and really get over it.

You were afraid of rejection.

But it never came.

Not from Jiyan. Your Jiyan.

-Oh, [M/N]-

General let out a concerned voice, which you heard from his mouth for the first time in your life. After a moment, you got locked in a tight hug.

-I can't undo what you had to go through, but I can promise that I will try to make each of your future days the best ones in your life. To me, you will always be my [M/N]. And nothing will change that.

He assured, and your eyes filled with tears. You could finally breathe a sigh of relief.

After a night full of thrills, a new day had come. With a fresh approach to life, you borrowed some looser black shirt from Jiyan. Revealing your barcode, you felt yourself radiating a powerful and intimidating vibe once again. A confident smirk appeared on your face.

As you passed by the soldiers on your way through the camp, you could feel their stares. Familiar whispers, exchanged remarks. An experience so well-known to you. Once again, you felt comfortable in front of others, making them aware that such things really did happen.

But this too had to end. As you sat in your office chair, looking through a pile of documents, with your feet carelessly thrown over a table. You heard someone gasp. One of the recruits, by coincidence one of those you helped to train recently. He stared in fear with his eyes wide open and mouth gaping. Almost burning a hole in your barcode.

Again, an unpleasant shiver went through you. You didn't know why it set you off so much, after all, he reacted just like dozens other people you've passed today, maybe just a little more abruptly. Or... maybe you knew. What made this situation different from previous ones was Jiyan's presence. You were used to these reactions, he was not. Again, you were afraid of how this would affect him. Again, unnecessarily so.

General stood by a wall with a large screen displaying Huanglong's territories under threat of attack. He was analyzing next moves till he got startled by a sudden silence. The way you stopped looking through papers and clanking with a mug of hot coffee.

He turned around in a hurry and situation that he found definitely didn't please him.

He cleared his throat.

-If you have nothing to say rookie, I would advise you to return to your work immediately - Jiyan replied coldly.

Without considering any questions from the soldier.

Young boy panicked slightly, while you smiled triumphantly at that.

This possessive, fierce side of Jiyan that you hadn't known before, especially towards his subordinates... You liked it damn well.

[medium-bloodcrafter-scion]

Oathbound: Bree’s Character Development

Just posting some of the thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head because I need to get them out.

My controversial take is that Bree losing her knowledge/memories was necessary for her character growth in Oathbound.

I don’t agree with the mechanism by which she lost her memories (soul theft), but when I recall how much anguish and guilt she felt at the end of Bloodmarked (and the anguish I felt along with her), it felt like like a healing detour.

Bree’s love for people and for her friends was always, always going to have her prioritising their safety above her own, and I think it’s important that a space was created in the story for her to “put on her own oxygen mask.”

She developed control over her power without risking anyone else’s life.

She’s no longer the girl who has to run and hide, whose friends risk their lives to protect her - now she’s the girl who straps a dagger to her thigh and traps a warlock in a magical dome all while looking drop dead gorgeous.

Romance

There’s a lovely post by Annotate with Sara that explains this and more really well, but I thought it poetic that Nick was the one to initiate Bree’s reintroduction to her old self, seeing as he accidentally/unintentionally introduced her to the society that would lead to the discovery of her true identity in the first place.

While I’ve always maintained (mostly in my head) that Nick and Bree’s intelligences cancel each other out and together they tend towards foolishness, I think that the warmth, support and safety he offered is precisely what she needed in what was a very delicate space, particularly when Erebus told her to expect the exact opposite from her friends.

Nick’s first instinct was not to judge, fear, reprimand or even reject Bree:

…Pull the most frightening question up from my depths to breathe it into existence, because Nick makes it safe to do so.

“Do you think I made a mistake?”

He holds my face in both his hands until my eyes open. “No.”

and:

Nick lets me think. Lets me become who I need to be in the circle of his arms.

••••••••••

Looking ahead

“We’ve only just gotten started, Briana Matthews. You still bear my mark. You are a king without a sword. A Pendragon, poisoned. Your own pain and blood await.”

I feel as though the end of Oathbound sort of left us in a similar place as Bloodmarked. This book isn’t a full stop and it’s not a comma, but it’s a necessary parentheses.

At the end, all of Bree’s memories come flooding back when she reclaims the missing piece of her soul.

We aren’t given time to see what this really means for Bree because Sel goes full chaos mode and we end up with That Revelation, but she is going to have to reckon with the emotional fallout of Bloodmarked and also with her decision to choose her soul over Alice’s life.

She’ll have to address the guilt she feels towards Sel after he sacrificed himself and the consequences thereof.

However, unlike at the end of Bloodmarked, Bree is now equipped with the knowledge that she is still loved by those she ‘left behind’ on her quest with the Shadow King. The knowledge that relationships are sometimes messy and hard but that - to quote her dad - “Loving folks is a practice, baby.”

And I think coming to that realisation was actually her true quest.

[coffeegnomee]

I'm not the most knowledgeable about season 4 so I would love your thoughts on all the comparisons to it , and also generally on zam's rapidly declining, slightly unstable mental health in the latest stream ( only if you watched it of course! )

This was about the stream "staring into the sun" and I finally finished it (not "crawling", so if anything changed I'm not liable)

So, first off, on a genuine level, I think we have, because of this stream, entered into new and entirely uncharted waters, something that will make season 6 and sunkissed into entirely and completely their own story that no longer has any relations to s4. So not knowing the past isn't a detriment.

Additionally, what actually happened in two years ago isn't relevant to what Zam remembers happening two years ago. And, on a very important note, what happened in season 5 is vitally important to not leave out when comparing s6 to s4. Jumper's betrayal has scarred Zam in ways far deeper than were ever present during the eclipse federation and BOTH seasons are going into what is going on in s6.

That being said I am more than happy to oblige :) I will always and forever yap about how much the past returns to haunt us.

Though THAT being said, I went to look up a Vitalasy quote and got light headed from how DRAMATICALLY terrible and awful and terrible zam and vi were at communication.

There was a sign room on 3/22/23 (vod archive is here) where the only way Zam felt like he could communicate his thoughts to Vi and Subz was by writing them down on signs and hollllyyy shit. That was so awkward I forgot how awkward that was. Zam could literally barely put two words together in defense of his thoughts, could only go "yeah" as Vi read the signs. And Vi literally had his thoughts written down in a book that he kept opening up and reading and highlighting to remind him of his points and would make small frustrated noises at how they were on the same page and yet also not on the same page. And also be unable to just say what he was feeling.

We are in an entirely, and I mean entirely different era of princezam. season 4 princezam could quite literally never bring derap back and tell him how he has hurt him in many words and with examples. The difference is mind boggling.

Ok so. this is going to be rambling because I dont have time to really think things through and there's a lot to cover. buckle up.

The quote I was trying to find, and didn't even really find, was Vi saying to his chat, alone, how zam leaving would be the worst thing to happen to eclipse federation. It's something I vivdly remember him saying and how much I flat out thought he was lying when I heard it the first time. How could Zam leaving or Eclipse breaking up be the worst thing when all it felt like was Vi was trying to control Zam. I didn't believe that Vi truly loved Zam and cared about having him around regardless of what the plot was.

But in the stream he had his book that he read out saying, “We have the gear, we have the hearts, we have the abilities, and we have each other” and throughout the conversation, re-highlights “we have each other” over and over. And once he was alone with chat he said, “I don't even want to build [the prison] without the team’s support”.

At that point in the 3/22 stream above, he was willing to drop the whole project over Zam and Subz being happy with it. And that'll do for my point.

Unluckily for him, between that stream and two days later when they had another meeting, Zam decided that he didn't want to be a burden for the team and would just willingly and excitingly go along with the plan to build a bedrock prison at spawn with the exploited bedrock. He jumped into a hole and killed himself to prove his commitment to the project. Vi also jumped in and also died. Oh my eclipse federation.

As recap if you have no idea what Eclipse is:

The Eclipse Federation started as a team with a goal to not be nice to the server that didn't care about them anymore. The server treated Subz like shit. He had been pacifist all season and kept getting dragged into conflict and killed, and Mapicc (and zam and spoke) blew up his base, and he was tired of being stepped on. So it was time to stand back up.

Vi joined Eclipse with a secret plan that only Subz knew (and ash and spoke) that had been planned since day 1 of the server: he had the wormhole. A game breaking exploit that got them creative mode items and eventually, (after zam betrayed, and only for spoke), op itself. But he wanted to reveal this slowly and excitedly to the server to create a sense of fun and mystery. And he also wanted to balance the server by having the exploits and only using them to defend those he cared about and to create a prison to deter others from trying to be tyrants. He didn't want to be the villain.

Zam joined Eclipse because Mapicc was hunting him down over and over and had just recently banned him off and revived him and left him on one heart. He had betrayed and left Mapicc (and ro) because they had duped thousands of items with a different exploit and Zam was totally done with anyone having an unfair advantage on this server. He burned the dupes and left the team.

Subz took him in when he had nothing, gave him gear and some of his own hearts, gave him a base, a home, and a team to protect him if Mapicc came back after him (and mapicc did. and they protected him).

Eclipse thrived as a team for over a month or so. Laughed and made bases, logged on at odd hours of the night to save Zam, showed up for him and were a great and supportive team. Nothing was wrong.

But that sense of safety would be cracked and then shattered over the coming months.

Bacon said it great at the start of this stream, and if you're new and reading this, honestly so much of what is relevant in comparison of the past is said by the members in the modern era.

But Bacon said that intention and action matter, and maybe action a bit more. Zam agreed and said that what still hurt was how Vi and Subz were good to him. And he wished he didn't kill Vi when he betrayed him, that he only did that because he wanted to twist the knife.

And importantly if you're paying attention at home, Zam is finally in a spot where he accepts that he would have left Eclipse either way. It's just how he left that haunts him.

What the "intention" and "action" were is where Eclipse became the most fucked shakespearean tragedy on levels far past what you could imagine. I'm always one to giggle about how s6 is like s4, but it is maybe 20% like s4. s4 was a fucking crazy ride. I highly recommend it.

Over the coming months, Vi would try and Not reveal to Zam too much about what was planned for the wormhole because he 1) didn't want to spoil it and 2) didn't want ANYONE to figure out how to do this exploit bc it would work on any server.

But also he would desperately, and consistently, and so very very terribly at doing it, was trying to keep Zam on the team... by lying to him.

This is where chat started bringing up s4 when Zam and Derap were talking in the base. Vitalasy lied about a lot of things to Zam, and they specifically had a "no more lies" conversation too.

And from Vitalasy's point of view, he was only holding things back for Zam's own good, to keep Zam happy, to make Zam feel included, to protect Zam from getting scared and running when there was nothing to be scared about.

He also wanted to tell Zam everything, but Zam had said if chat couldn't know, he didn't want to know, and that he trusted Vitalasy.

But Vi had so many moving parts to work with that he would say something like "we have a bedrock farm in the end" to, from his mind, appease chat and keep them off the trail, while also imagining that Zam would understand that there was no bedrock farm. And then he also forgot that he even said that to Zam at all because it was not meant to be taken as the truth.

(Or like Derap says he was the only one to fight against Subz, not because he was but because that's what it felt like to him. It wasn't meant to be taken fully literally, it was just what was important to say)

But Zam would find out it was a lie, and his trust would waver. He'd think about how Vitalasy was adamant he only look at the first 20 (iirc) pages of the wormhole plan and was unwilling to let him see more. In the moment Zam was okay with not getting more info because he trusted Vi implicitly, but Planet eventually saw the book and told Zam that there were only 20 pages and Vi was lying to him.

On that note, another similarity is Bacon talking with Zam. Him and Planet would have tons of conversations with Zam as Zam worked through trusting and then not trusting his team and getting more and more miserable. I made a poll a while back about whether or not they were the reason Zam left Eclipse or if he would have left them anyway and the poll came back a perfect 50/50.

Which is funny because chat in s4 was SO 50/50 on Zam staying or leaving Eclipse. And chat now is so 50/50 on if Derap is being manipulative or not. All that chatter is gonna get loud. And makes it quite reminiscent of s4 all by itself.

Now, now that everything is said and done with s4, it is very very clear that Vitalasy was NOT wanting to be the villain. He said it All the time, but the way that he said it made it Sound like he was straight out lying. He would give examples of the god powers he could do, and how he could be evil, and then immediately say, but I wont do that, i couldn't do that. i don't have the heart to do that.

At times he would look like someone brandishing a knife saying, I'm not going to kill you. That doesn't exactly fill anyone with confidence of not being stabbed.

And when players would ask him to put the exploits down he would say, what exploits? I'm not exploiting right now. While he was flying with potion particles wafting off his character. Somehow, in his mind, since the exploit was obtained in a specific way, one was only exploiting during the moments that they were obtaining the powers, and then after it was just vanilla minecraft bc most of it was potions (with all the positive or negative affects in the game), or it was a double-join glitch and once you set it up it wasn't your fault that you could fly.

And when you watch lifesteal, and specifically princezam, having the heart to commit atrocities is not part of the equation. Mapicc and Zam and Ro committed atrocity after atrocity as Team Awesome, despite Zam clearly having remorse and regrets about the evil he was doing. Despite Zam deciding that he didn't want to be evil and wanted to get rid of the exploits. Despite him leaving Team Awesome. None of those feelings made Zam Not commit those villainous acts.

So to turn around and have Vi insist over and over that he wouldn't use these exploits for real... it just sounded fake. Absurd.

Especially as the plot progressed and Zam betrayed and Vi started Actually Using the exploits constantly, and killed Planet a dozen times in the prison, and was flying around, and was breaking out of the prison when Spoke put him in. He kept using more and more exploits all the while insisting that he wasn't going to be the villain. It was the most fascinating train wreck to watch. And so painful. And so mind bogglingly flabbergasting for truly, and I mean truly, not knowing what was going on in Vitalasy's mind.

But in the end, as Bacon was saying, Vi gave up. As he kept talking to Bacon and Zam and Planet, over time Vi got more and more sad about being the villain, he hated being the villain, he felt misunderstood because he just wanted to use the exploits to protect those he cared about, and he missed princezam and was so SO sad (and mad) about Eclipse falling apart, and so he finally decided to give up all the exploits and burn them in front of the server.

The Server thought he was full of shit and had more exploits at his base and laughed him off the stage.

And Vi banned himself off the server that day. Gave up being the villain in the most permanent way he knew how. And the arc ground to a screeching halt.

...until Subz revived Vitalasy specifically to tour him around the server, reveal a new base, and then tell Vi to kill him. Ban himself off the server because Subz had gotten to a point of missing Zam and Vi and him being a team that he thought maybe, maybe, if he wasn't around they would come back together.

And Zam, well he thought of banning himself off the server too, but ultimately didn't decide to do it, not really but partially because Vi's revival and Subz' subsequent ban, it would have been Too Much to have a trifecta of suicide from one team. But they were literally all doing the same depression plot all on top of each other. It was so much tragedy oh my goodness.

but instead of banning himself, Zam joined Spoke for the wormhole, deciding that it would be best for the server and everyone if he just ended it as fast as possible so they could move on to season 5. (also Pangi bedrocked trapped him to change the trajectory of his life)

So the parallels that keep coming up are the looming doom that Vi/Derap are lying to him. That Zam is unable to tell what is the truth and who to trust.

And that's the terrible part, imo, of s6 and these parallels, and the reason I wanted to find that Vitalasy quote at the start.

You CAN, from a certain angle, when you boil out the wormhole, say that the Vitalasy Zam arc was Vitalasy desperately trying to stay teammates with PrinceZam by telling him anything he needed to hear to be okay with not betraying them.

And there is nothing Zam hates more than being lied to. Even exploits. In the end, before he betrayed, it was more about the fact that Vi lied to him about the bedrock farm and lied to him about changing the prison and lied to him about a bunch of other things, than it was about the exploits themselves. Though, finding a vault of Vi's exploits IS what sealed the bag for Zam betraying.

Which sounds incredibly similar to what Derap is doing.

Even Derap being so accommodating to talking to Zam about his concerns is so Vitalasy. And changing his plans based on Zam, but in a way that Zam doesn't quite trust, is so s4. I don't even know how to begin to describe the actual vi and zam relationship in s4, but this derap one is a fading parallel that is so so so close and also seemingly so so so far.

I do not think Derap is being manipulative on purpose, and esp after this stream I don't think he any sort of master plan like Vi had with the wormhole. And it was mostly the wormhole that drove Zam away from Vi.

But the wormhole was just the convenient glitter that allowed Zam to delve into a greater problem: his communication skills and his hatred of being lied to.

And when you take season 5 into consideration, where Jumper lied to him straight out for three months straight, Zam is now completely triggered by the smallest hint of a lie.

And Derap is manipulating the truth to make himself look good or drive a point home about Zam. He isn't lying to cover some big plan up.

This is where I'm like, this is not going to end like Eclipse at all. This is already so far past were Eclipse was it's crazy. Because Zam has learned how to articulate himself and stand up for himself. He's completely gun-shy about it, but he is learning how to do it and actually practicing the skills he needs to make it happen.

But, I made this comparison a couple of posts ago, with Derap specifically vod-watch stream sniping Zam (which Zam does not know about at all, so no snitches, also it's technically legal bc they're teammates), this pulls s6 back into the realm of s4. Zam Hates stream sniping just as much as he hates exploits. The game is set and we shall have to wait and see what comes of it.

But between vod watching his teammate to find out why he is not trusting him and having the prot 4 exploit, Derap was on thin ice for keeping secrets while manipulating the truth. Now that the prot 4 exploit is out in the open, it doesn't help much, but it does change things. I can only imagine what might happen if Derap keeps accidentally slipping up and mentioning chat messages he's not supposed to have seen.. like needing a PR team.

But without the big evil looking plan like Vi had, idk if the parallels are paralleling. Though Zam ending stream talking about is it even worth continuing is So s4. The constant back and forth and indecision was the hallmark for how Zam ended up being completely miserable in Eclipse by the end and the fertile ground to make him betray the second he found the full exploits.

But the more desperate Derap is to keep Zam on his team, the more Zam is going to panic at the smallest things.

Now, for Zam's deteriorating mental health... this isn't new in the slightest. If anything he is wildly more stable now than the past, as I've mentioned above. I don't really know how to phrase any of this because Zam from a mental health perspective is the largest can of worms you can open. There are so many layers and discoveries and learning and pain and woundedness.

He has a history of paranoia that started from the first moment he stepped onto this server, then he was hunted down in his base multiple times so trading with villagers gives him trauma for being jumped. He is constantly thinking about how he might be betrayed because he was betrayed several times before s5, and then in s5 he was almost completely broken by Jumper's betrayal and now everything triggers that trauma. He also was the betrayer many times and knows what it feels like to be the one hurting others and is anxious he will do it again or that others will do it to him. He's a people pleaser who cannot bear anyone being mad at him and will do whatever it takes to make it better. But he's also a recovering people pleaser and learning how to stand up for himself and his needs.

He doesn't even know what's wrong with himself, but as he said to Derap, Derap saying that makes him feel like there is something terribly wrong with himself. That he's a burden too heavy to bear. And that nobody wants him. The negative self talk is loud.

None of this is new. This is the princezam experience. He gets himself into these situations that make him face some aspect about himself that cuts far deeper than any lore would normally go. And after watching for 2 years it's incredible to see the growth.

And then there's the stone sword mentality. Which I don't necessarily put under mental health though it's adjacent.

You probably don't remember, but early on in s6 Zam had a late night, while making the flame volcano, where he told chat the origin of the stone sword mentality. (7/21/24, about 7:48:00)

His first every youtube video win, he had a public smp with his friends and everyone was xraying and hacking and when someone became the villain and killed Zam, he just set his bed and made stone swords and kept running in, over and over and over. And eventually he actually won. Running at the villain over and over worked.

In terms of lifesteal, stone sword comes from the day in s4 when he died to Mapicc and Ro while fighting for spawn. They went to his respawn and killed him 13 more times. And all throughout Zam was making stone swords trying to kill Ro, but Ro put him on two hearts and left him alone. Mapicc saying they're gods not demons.

But earlier than that, in the finale of s3, Zam made stone axes and ran at Spoke over and over while Spoke slowly farmed him off the sever. And Spoke banned him. Zam accepted the loss and learned that lifesteal is about killing, and gave up being the hero.

And in s5 Zam threw himself at Minute over and over. Usually with Mapicc, but one time in particular he set his bed in front of Minute and fought him until Minute killed him just to see what Minute would do when he respawned right there. This was just before the Joker arc truly started.

In the Joker arc, in the end, after trying for weeks to get Minute and Jumper to kill him, he finally got his wish and got 4v1ed and died almost instantly, banning himself off the server in gayjoker flare, cackling that he won.

Throwing himself at impossible odds and never giving up is princezam. Doing it even if it means death is princezam. The gross disregard for his own life is princezam.

He only looks at the underlying reasonings occasionally. How he runs from his problems by killing himself. Any time he doesn't know what to do, he solves it with a self-ban on someone's sword.

This was actually the very first time that he allowed the connection to be made that he wanted to suicide on Flame's sword and actually used that word.

But it's so heartbreaking to hear him talk about it with Derap.  ZAM: “it is dumb. Its self destructive, its stupid, its everything everyone says about me”

Over the years Zam has been called insane and stupid and been misunderstood and a lot of shitty things by the members. And he hears what they say, and he takes it on too. How can he not believe them when everyone says this about him.

But the stone sword goes so much deeper than a destructive defense mechanism. In so many ways it really strikes the core of who Zam is, how he views lifesteal and minecraft. A place where lives don't matter, where you can fight for what you believe in even if you have no hope.

Stone swording has helped him countless times. Being willing to die so easily has kept him safe in some ways, it makes the pvpers pause and be confused and not understand why he would do this. He does still die, but it makes them pause, and in that pause and in being able to grind back up to full gear so easily, it gives Zam the emotional upper hand in the face of power he could never defeat.

And, potentially, makes the pvper think differently about the server.

So much of the s5 Joker arc was about getting Minute and Jumper to understand that they need to kill people on the killing people sever, and Zam tried teaching them that by being a destructive menace that also set his bed in front of them and asked them to kill him over and over. He tested and pushed and prodded them into doing what this sever was made for. Making them loose the idealogical battle so Mapicc and The Players could win the pvp battle.

And even in this stream with Flame, there was none of the gayjoker flare or off-putting delightful giggles, but Zam was teaching Flame much the same lesson, in many of the same way. That he really doesn't have a plan and he can kill him. That he shouldn't be so paranoid about a trap.

All along the way teaching them something about lifesteal that cannot be taught any other way. Death is not important. Lives don't matter.

This is princezam. This is what he does.

And it's so interesting how an idealogical look on lifesteal and minecraft can so easily turn into a discussion about self destructive coping mechanisms.

And Zam wears his "I'm dumb, stupid, what the fuck is wrong with you" mental health as its own defense mechanism. He claims (or rejects) but still believes the shit people say to him which only furthers the idea that this ideology about minecraft IS fundamentally fucked up, that he is broken beyond repair. Which only serves to spiral the discussion rather than letting Zam just be Zam.

Because as he reminisced about the first stone sword incident on that public smp, he said how lifesteal feels like that server, like home.

But going back to how he learned lifesteal was about killing and gave up being the hero in s3, this was part of why Eclipse fell apart.

Vitalasy partially wanted Zam on the team because he wanted Zam to be their moral backbone and make sure they didn't go too far. Zam gave himself the duty of being "the anchor", and that position weighed on him so heavily. He hated being the voice of what they should or should not do, and in his heart he didn't want them to do exploits at all, but he felt bad that Vi had this plan all season and didn't want to be the reason it didn't happen.

But what Vitalasy didn't realize was just how morally different Zam had become.

It was Vi who spurred Zam on to be the hero at the end of s3, passing the mantle of keeping everyone revived onto Zam while Vi banned himself off for the season. And Zam embraced the mantle, fighting for the people of the server against Spoke and Clown who would rather see everyone banned.

But over the course of the finale, Spoke got nearly everyone to betray Zam at some point, leaking his base over and over, and eventually convinced Zam that this is lifesteal and the server must die.

This hugely marked Zam going into s4. He didn't want to be the main character, he didn't want to be the hero, and for the first time ever (iirc) he started talking about how on lifesteal there are no heroes and villains. He became morally grey.

And in his greyness he joined Team Awesome and committed the above atrocities.

But what Vitalasy didn't realize, not until it was too late, was that all this had happened to Zam, and he had been changed since he last saw him before the finale of s3. Vi was inactive most of s4 until Eclipse, only logging on at the start, killing people (like Mapicc and Ro) and and giving hearts to Mapicc and Ro, and then logging off. And Zam was not on s4 at that time, joining a couple months late. The two didn't speak a word to each other from the day of the s3 finale (actually it might've been before then) until they were both on Eclipse.

So when he asked Zam to be their moral backbone, he thought Zam was morally upright.

But Zam is both morally upright and morally corrupt. He will equally fight for the server and repair spawn and get rid of exploits just as much as he will use exploits and kill innocents and be a cold blooded killer.

And he doesn't know himself what is the right thing to do.

So to put him in the position of being the moral backbone, instead of being a good thing and what Zam was good at, was the actual worst place for him to be.

And I think a similar thing is happening with Derap. Derap doesn't realize how Zam has changed and been changed by the server. He's aware of the lore because he used to watch streams, but he hasn't really truly gotten it into himself (or maybe he's just not acting on it bc his character can't know any of this bc he's new) that Zam has been utterly changed by s4 and s5. He just thinks Zam needs to stick up for himself a bit and get over the past. But Zam is deeply, deeply affected by what happened. And that's going to cause conflict within the team.

In some ways Derap is just like Vitalasy, but in others he is totally and completely wholesome and the best thing that's ever happened to Zam on lifesteal (which you also could have said about Vitalasy at some points), a teammate that really wants to be with him through thick and thin and isn't afraid of any of the darkness.

It's exactly the kind of relationship that heals past wounds, makes you believe there is good in the world again, and that maybe you're lovable even if you're a mess.

But he doesn't understand the darkness, hasn't seen it, so how can he truly understand.

And that's exactly what we're going to be watching unfold in the coming month(s).

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

[bblovetarot]

{୨୧} Why are people attracted to you? + a Quote

ʚ ═══･୨ ꕤ ୧･═══ ɞ Pick a Pile ʚ ═══･୨ ꕤ ୧･═══ ɞ

i listen to music while doing pac, so i decided to put down lyrics down that i feel are important to the specific pile. let me know if it resonates!

i was listening to the miseducation of lauryn hill by lauryn hill

. ༄ paid readings . ༄

。°⚠︎°。follow your intuition when choosing a pile. if you're drawn to more than one pile, that's okay! you may have messages in more than one.

。°⚠︎°。tarot readings are not 100% accurate, and do not dictate your future. please keep in mind that you have free will. these readings are also general and aren't specific to one person, so please take what resonates and leave what doesn't!

Pile 1

"you might win some but you just lost one"

People are drawn to your positive energy, admiring your ability to shake off negativity swiftly. It's possible, however, that you've encountered manipulative individuals offering empty promises and taking without giving. This may have hindered you from stepping out of your comfort zone to pursue your desires. You're likely someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, exuding compassion and love. Unfortunately, others may have taken advantage of your generosity, and Spirit suggests establishing stronger boundaries to protect your energy. Whether in friendships or romantic relationships, be discerning. Your commitment to connections is evident, yet you're also keenly aware when something impedes your potential. While you invest deeply, you won't hesitate to walk away when necessary, although this decision may take time. Your dedication, primarily to yourself, is apparent to those around you. Despite being caring and open-hearted, you refuse to let anything keep you in a low vibrational state for long. You're determined to rise above challenges, trusting in the universe to deliver what you deserve. You possess significant aspirations, and people admire your refusal to succumb to those who may want to limit you. Your persistence and determination resonate with others who see you as an inspiration. Your creative side, though possibly overlooked by yourself, is a gift meant to be shared with the world. The universe encourages you to press on, assuring you that your journey is not in vain. Even if you're grappling with recent departures or energy-draining situations, the universe urges you to persevere. Acknowledge your self-worth and creative talents, recognizing that your journey inspires those who witness your strength during difficult times. Your energy, though not always consciously recognized, radiates strongly, attracting people who genuinely appreciate you. Embrace your worth, rise above negativity, and trust that your dedication will lead you to the success you envision. The universe is continuously supporting your journey.

Pile 2

"girls, you better watch out, some guys are only about- that thing"

Oh dear, it seems you may have encountered individuals drawn to your physical allure, making false promises of mutual connection while harboring ulterior motives. Your captivating and welcoming nature, combined with a lack of boundaries, can attract those who see an opportunity to engage with your vibrant energy. These individuals, often described as energy vampires, thrive on noncommittal behavior, utilizing others for their own gain and enjoying the thrill of the game. The universe is sending a clear message: establish boundaries with yourself. Not everyone deserves access to your fiery energy that breathes life into everything you touch. Fight for yourself, my love, and refrain from giving everything away indiscriminately. Recognize that your fire is a precious gift, not to be played with by those who lack sincerity and maturity. By setting boundaries, you shield yourself from burnout and unlock your full potential. Your generosity, showcased in your gifts and love, is admirable, but it's crucial to discern who truly deserves your precious energy. People may desire your warmth and affection, but establishing boundaries is key to maintaining the authenticity of your connections. The universe assures you that you can manifest the deep, meaningful relationships you dream of. Despite any doubts, know that you are deserving of love and the companionship you seek. Upholding boundaries is not a hindrance but a declaration of self-worth. Rebuild your self-confidence and continue the journey of self-protection. As you assert your needs and stand up for yourself, you will attract those who genuinely appreciate and reciprocate the love and energy you offer. Trust in the process, my dear, and believe in the love and friendships that align with the standards you set for yourself.

Pile 3

"forgive them father for they know not what they do"

Pile 3, you emanate the essence of a healer. Whether in a profession that involves assisting others or simply through your natural inclination to help, people are drawn to your compassionate nature. Your emotional maturity sets you apart, allowing you to discern when situations aren't working and find compromises without resorting to chaos. As a leader in your own right, you stand firmly in your power, not reliant on others to pave your way. Individuals seek your counsel, finding solace in your wise advice. Your maturity is a beacon that attracts those tired of drama and dysfunction, as you offer a refreshing and comforting energy. You have the ability to make people feel welcome, particularly those who tend to isolate themselves. Your presence infuses life and joy, uplifting those who may be struggling. Your positivity is infectious, creating a ripple effect of happiness. Even if you possess a hint of shyness, your radiant inner light shines brightly, capturing the admiration of those around you. Your beauty, both inside and out, is truly remarkable. People are enamored by your ability to bring happiness to any situation, transforming the energy of those who may be feeling lonely or disheartened. In your presence, gloom transforms into light, and you serve as the beacon that lifts the spirits of those around you. Your light is not only captivating but also transformative, making you the radiant center of any group. People are undeniably attracted to the positive, calm, and surreal energy you exude. You are, without a doubt, the light that others are drawn to, and your presence has a profound impact on those fortunate enough to be around you.

[03jyh23]

🩶⌇nights like these┆choi san

established relationship, idol!san x gn!reader

│synopsis: the one where you are san's priority

│genre: hurt/comfort

│trigger warnings: descriptions of chronic illness, pain, nausea, and emotional distress

│words: 2.4 k

│reminder: what you’re about to read is purely fiction, so let’s keep it separate from reality.

!minors do not interact!

— hi there my lovely people! this one is a requested work that is very important to me! the person who requested it shared their struggles with me, so i put a lot of care and effort into writing this piece. i hope it brings them comfort and resonates with anyone else going through similar challenges. thank you for trusting me with your story. ♡

love, monika ♡

you: sannie, im sorry but im not gonna make it tonight, have fun! love you x

You barely typed out the message and leaned deeper into the soft pillows. You hated feeling that way, feeling completely out of control of your own body. It was as if your own flesh and bones had turned against you, conspiring to ruin the moments you had been looking forward to. Another rush of nausea hit you, stronger this time, and you couldn't help but wrap your arms around yourself, trying to find some semblance of comfort. The persistent and haunting question lingered in your mind: Why were you so out of control? You wished you could muster the strength to push through, to be by San's side, but tonight, your body had other plans. You were helpless against a body that sabotaged all your important plans. You wanted the energy to be with San, to support him and not to disappoint the person you loved yet again, but tonight, you knew there was nothing you could do to feel better. You just needed to lay through it  

After all this time of having this health problem, you learned just how to live with it, so since early morning you tried to push the symptoms aside, focusing on getting ready. It was a routine you had perfected—ignoring the pain, the nausea, the overwhelming fatigue. You had become a master of disguise, hiding your struggles behind a cheerful facade. But tonight, even your best efforts weren't enough. 

Usually, you would go about with your day, that's why you were currently lying flat on your bed dressed in that pretty outfit San bought for you especially for tonight, all ready to go and celebrate with him. Just as you were about to leave, the usual symptoms hit you with the power of a train. It was as if your body had chosen this exact moment to remind you of its frailty, to assert its dominance over your will. Tonight was supposed to be different. Tonight, you were supposed to be standing beside San, holding his hand and cheering for him. You had been looking forward to this night for weeks, planning every detail. The thought of disappointing him weighed heavily on you, maybe even heavier than the nausea. You knew how much it meant to him to have you there, and the guilt gnawed at you from the inside. 

A burning stomach pain flared up, adding to the discomfort. It felt as though your insides were on fire, each wave of pain more intense than the last. You clutched your stomach, curling up tighter, wishing for some relief. The pain was relentless, a cruel reminder of the battle you were fighting within your own body. It was moments like these when you felt most defeated, most vulnerable. 

"Baby?" you opened your heavy eyes only to see San kneeling beside the bed, eye level with you. You didn't even notice you had fallen asleep. His eyes were filled with concern, his short, black hair was styled back, making him look incredibly elegant. He wore a white shirt with the first few buttons casually unbuttoned. His eye makeup was minimal, with just a hint of eyeliner to accentuate his eyes, exactly the way you always liked it. He must have rushed out straight from his dressing room, you thought as you blinked a few times to get rid of the tiredness. 

"Sannie? What are you doing here?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. 

San reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair away from your face. 

"I just had a feeling that today is rough on you. You didn't reply to any of my calls, so I rushed home," he said softly, his voice filled with concern and love. "I couldn't just leave you here alone," he said softly. "I wanted to be here for you." 

"I'm so sorry. I didn't want to ruin your night," you whispered, your voice cracking with emotion. 

San shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. "Hey, don't say that. You could never ruin my night. I just want to be here with you, make sure you're okay," he reassured, his hand gently stroking your head. Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at him, overwhelmed by his kindness. 

"I just hate feeling like this, being a burden," you admitted, your voice trembling. 

San’s expression softened even more. His fingers traced the few tears that managed to escape your eyes, then he kissed your forehead whispering, "You never are nor never will be a burden." You closed your eyes, feeling the gentle touch of his soft lips against your skin, a tingling warmth spreading through you. The tension in your muscles began to melt away as San’s fingers traced soothing patterns along your arm. You took a deep breath, allowing the warmth of his presence to envelop you. The pain and nausea, though still present, seemed to fade into the background as you focused on the steady rhythm of his touch. 

"But the party?" you mumbled out, "The boys must be so disappointed." 

San shook his head gently, his expression softening even more. "Don't worry about them right now. The boys understood, and Hongjoong reassured me it was all good. What's important is that we take care of you," he said soothingly, his fingers continuing to trace comforting patterns on your arm. 

"Thank you, Sannie," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. "For being here." 

He kissed your forehead again, lingering a bit longer this time. "Of course, my love. Always," he whispered back, his breath warm against your skin. You could hear the sincerity in his voice, and it eased some of the guilt that had been weighing you down. "Can you stand up? We need to get you in something comfortable first," San suggested gently, his hands ready to help you. You nodded weakly, grateful for his help as he eased you out of the outfit and into something more comfortable. 

"Is it any better now that you've slept for a while?" he asked, his voice filled with gentle concern as he rearranged the pillows on the bed. He brought an extra blanket, knowing you would likely get cold. 

"A little," you admitted, your voice still weak but filled with gratitude. "But I can feel the migraine creeping in slowly," you added, your voice tinged with fatigue and frustration. 

San nodded, his brow furrowing slightly with worry. "I'll get your medication and some water," he said, standing up to fetch the items. 

"I don't think I can take the medications," you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. "It feels like if I swallow anything, I would just rush to the toilet." 

San paused, his eyes filled with concern. "Okay, let's not push it then," he said softly, returning to your side. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you close to rest your head on his shoulder. You could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest, a soothing rhythm that started to calm your racing thoughts. He began drawing gentle patterns on your back, a gesture that always made you relax, his touch tender. 

You breathed in his cologne and felt your stomach clenching. The scent, usually comforting and familiar, now seemed overwhelming to your already sensitive senses. You backed out from his arms, holding a hand to your face to stave off the wave of nausea that threatened to overtake you. San looked at you with wide eyes, his brows furrowing slightly in confusion and concern before it hit him. "Love, I'm so sorry, it's the perfume? Too strong? I'm gonna change," he said hurriedly, already moving towards the closet to find something else to wear. 

"It's okay, Sannie," you mumbled, trying to muster a reassuring smile. "I just need a moment." 

But San had already swapped his formal shirt for something more comfortable and less scented. He returned to your side, "Better now?" he asked softly, his eyes searching for any sign of relief. 

You only nodded, and he took your hand, guiding you to the bed. "You are babying me too much," you mumbled as you followed in his steps, your voice tinged with a mix of gratitude and mild embarrassment.

San shook his head, a playful glint in his eyes. "Hm...." he scoffed dramatically, "I think I don't baby you enough, though?" 

You couldn't help but let out a small laugh despite the pain and discomfort you were feeling. San's dramatic tone and exaggerated expression brought a moment of lightness to an otherwise heavy night. "Really?" you asked, raising an eyebrow at him, trying to match his playful energy. 

"Absolutely," he replied with a grin, sitting down beside you. "Now, let's get you settled." You settled back into the bed, feeling a bit more at ease with San by your side. The pain and nausea were still there, but somehow, with his presence, they seemed a little more bearable. "Do you need me to bring something?" San asked, his voice filled with genuine concern. 

You shook your head slightly, feeling the weight of his love and care enveloping you. "Just stay here with me, that's all I need," you whispered.

"Alright, I will just put the curtains in case the migraine hits," he said as he quickly darted through the room to the windows. You watched him with tired eyes, the room dimmed as he drew the curtains, blocking out the harsh light that often worsened your migraines. The soft, muted light that remained was much gentler on your senses. 

San returned to your side, his movements gentle and deliberate, as if he were afraid of causing you any more discomfort. "Scoot over," San said softly, a gentle smile playing on his lips. You shifted slightly, making room for him on the bed. He carefully climbed in beside you, wrapping his arms around you. 

"Thank you for being so patient with me. I really needed you tonight," you whispered, your voice filled with gratitude. 

San held you a little tighter, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what," he murmured softly. San was drawing small circles on your back, your face buried in his chest. Your eyes were heavy, the migraine setting in, and you could feel the pressure building behind your temples. The gentle, rhythmic motion of his hand was soothing, a small comfort amidst the pain and discomfort, allowing you to relax slightly despite the throbbing in your head. 

Just as you began to drift off to sleep, your body started trembling uncontrollably. The sudden tremors jarred you awake, and you felt a wave of panic wash over you. San immediately noticed, his grip tightening around you in a protective embrace. 

"Hey, it's okay, I'm here," he whispered, his voice steady and calming. He gently rubbed your back, trying to soothe your body. "Just breathe, love. I'm right here with you." You focused on his voice, on the warmth of his presence, trying to steady your breath. The trembling slowly began to subside, and you clung to San, feeling a mixture of fear and relief. "Are you feeling dizzy again? Like the last time?" San asked, his voice tinged with concern. 

You nodded weakly, the dizziness making it hard to focus on anything. "Yeah, it's just... everything is spinning," you managed to whisper, clutching onto him. You closed your eyes, trying to steady your breathing as San's presence provided a comforting anchor. The room seemed to tilt and spin, but his calming voice and gentle touch helped you stay grounded. "I'm sorry, San," you murmured, feeling a wave of guilt wash over you. 

San shook his head, his expression filled with love and reassurance. "Don't apologize, my love. You can't control this, and I'm here to help you through it," he murmured softly. "I will keep you safe," he whispered, his voice filled with unwavering determination and love. "Just rest," he murmured softly. "I'll be right here with you." You nodded, feeling the weight of exhaustion pulling you under. San's hand continued to trace soothing patterns on your back, his touch gentle and reassuring. Gradually, your breathing steadied, and you found yourself relaxing into his embrace. 

As you drifted in and out of sleep, you could feel San's steady heartbeat beneath your cheek, a rhythm that grounded you. Hours passed in a blur of half-conscious moments and deep, dreamless sleep. Every time you stirred, San was there, his presence a steady source of comfort and love. You could feel his fingers brushing through your hair, his lips pressing gentle kisses to your head. He held you through the worst of it, never once leaving your side. 

When you finally woke, the pain had dulled to a manageable throb, and the nausea had receded enough for you to sit up slightly. San was still there, his eyes filled with concern and relief as he saw you stir. 

"Hey," he said softly, a gentle smile playing on his lips as he looked at you with concern. "How are you feeling?" 

You took a deep breath, assessing your condition and trying to gather your thoughts. "A bit better," you admitted, your voice still weak but more stable than before. The remnants of fatigue lingered, but you felt a small spark of improvement. 

"I'm glad to hear that," San replied, his smile growing a bit wider with relief. "Do you think you can eat something light? Maybe some broth or a bit of toast?" 

You nodded slowly, appreciating his care and the gentle way he always seemed to know what you needed. "I think I could try," you said, feeling a bit more hopeful at the thought of eating something. 

"Alright, let me order something, hm?" San said, giving you a reassuring smile as he gently helped you sit up against the pillows, adjusting them to make sure you were comfortable. 

"Thank you, Sannie," you whispered, feeling a surge of gratitude for his unending support and the way he always put your well-being first. 

San smiled warmly, his eyes filled with love and tenderness. "Anything for you, my love," he said, placing a soft kiss on your lips, his touch gentle and comforting. As he reached for his phone to place the order, you couldn't help but feel a deep sense of gratitude and love for having someone like San by your side, through thick and thin. 

♡│if you enjoy my writing please consider supporting me by tagging and reblogging│

♡│requests are open │

[loudn-mcyt]

The Kingdom of Fools Hierarchy

Tina suggested that the Kingdom needed a hierarchy with proper ranks, and that got me thinking...so here's my take at the different noble titles of the Kingdom of Fools, as based upon the most common titles in historic (medieval to early modern) Europe!

King Foolish: Obviously, Foolish is the King of the Kingdom. No real surprise here. I would say more, but everyone generally understands the whole idea/deal of a king, so I won't go into much detail.

Duchess Roscumber, Royal Architect of the Realm: When the king was out of commission (dead), Ros was the person put in charge. As much as I love Knight Ros, that suggests that she either held a significant title beforehand or was elevated to title as that happened; either way, it makes sense to me that she would be a duchess, which is the highest noble title below royalty in many systems, and often related to the royal family in some way. Given how feudalism works, it's entirely possible that the others' holdings are within her duchy, hence why she was chosen as the leader in the king's absence.

Marquess Clownpierce, Royal Archmage: A Marquis/marquess is, generally speaking in terms of the size of their holdings, roughly equivalent to an earl or count. However, they were traditionally privileged above counts/earls because their holdings were near borders, meaning they were often charged with defending those borders from attackers. This feels fitting for Clownpierce, whose reputation as a warrior and enchanter serves as a significant deterrent for those that threaten the Kingdom, at least in theory.

Marquess Sneegsnag, Royal Smith: Like Clownpierce, Sneeg fills a similar role for the Kingdom, ensuring that their equipment is strong and serving as another dangerous member to threaten other factions. He also has shown off his prowess as a hunter. Taken together, this suggests to me he should be Clown's equal in rank, as he serves a very similar role within the kingdom.

Count Tangofrags: Our favorite cursed hot dog feels fitting for a Count. He's an important member of the kingdom, but I always have trouble really pinpointing a distinct role for him. However, he is undeniably loyal, and supports his fellow kingdom members wholeheartedly. As a result, I've chosen to place him as a count; counts/earls generally had comparable holdings to Marquesses, though in less tactically important locations. I like the idea that Tango's earldom might be a breadbasket for the kingdom.

Countess Tinakitten: I love Tina with all my heart, but it's still pretty early to say where she will land in the grand scheme of things amongst the kingdom. So, as a new arrival, I've made her a countess; she holds a fair amount of power, but she is less influential than long-standing advisors to the king like Ros, Clown, and Sneeg. Also I would feel bad making her any less important.

Viscount Owen: As the royal jester, Owen would likely have forsaken any title, but I wanted to give him one anyway. Viscounts served as the second in command to an earl or count, which isn't really Owen's role - as the jester, he has the privilege to mock whoever he so chooses, and I like the idea of a lesser nobleman taking advantage of that power to mock the powerful and influential Clownpierce.

Friar Fit: As a member of the clergy, Fit would of course be banned from holding title. However, that doesn't mean he's powerless; quite the opposite, in fact. The church held a very significant amount of power. While, strictly speaking, they were intended to avoid politics, that was very much not the case, and while they were considered subservient to the king, they were able to interact with any other member of the nobility on their own terms.

So, yeah! There's my takes on it. I didn't make anyone a baron, which is another common title below Viscount. It just made sense to me that, interpreting the kingdom into a slightly more historical framework, everyone working closely with the king would be of relatively significant rank - either outright powerful like Duchess Roscumber or Marquesses Clown and Sneeg, or politically influential like Count Tango or Countess Tina. And also Fit is here.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

subtitle translation, language-centricity, and what support should or shouldn't look like in an LGBTQ+ fan space

I have some thoughts on the discussion that has erupted based on a post by @watchthisqqq regarding Gaga's announced plan to expand their use of AI subtitles. The thread of replies on that post is getting long, though, so I thought starting a post of my own was the way to go.

To summarize the discussion so far:

A lot of folks have made important points already. @twig-tea clarified the announcement, raised concerns about the precedent it sets, but pointed out that it's a good thing they're being transparent. @italianpersonwithashippersheart pointed out that more information on the way the AI in question was trained and its energy usage would be important in order to gauge its impact and that making content accessible across more languages is, of course, important as well. @my-rose-tinted-glasses noted that there's significant reason to believe Gaga has already used AI subs previously and noted that it's reasonable for consumers not to want to patronize a business that doesn't make offering decent subs in their language a priority. @lurkingshan noted that competing platforms are already using AI subs as well and reported seeing other calls for action against Gaga that didn't seem proportional given the much larger companies that engage in the same practices people criticize Gaga for, including the use of AI subs. @wei-ying-kexing-apologist noted that Viki's use of volunteer-based subtitles is also a questionable business practice, suggested communicating with Gaga directly about this issue made more sense than considering a boycott, and noted MDL's apparent exclusion of references to Gaga as evidence of a lack of respect for the platform in fandom.

Before I start talking about my own viewpoint here, I want to stress that I think there's very little actual disagreement happening here. I think all of the points of view I mentioned above could actually be consistent with one another if framed in the right way. Everyone involved in this conversation so far has very similar values and goals. We're all supportive of the work Gaga does and none of us take the idea of being critical of them lightly, much less taking action that could prove harmful to them.

First off, I agree that taking action to start some kind of boycott effort is premature at best. I also hear the sound arguments people are making against engaging in a boycott even if other efforts to influence Gaga on this issue end up failing. I wouldn't fault @watchthisqqq for simply mentioning the possibility, however. I thought they made it clear in their post that they were still at the stage of considering potential action and inviting input on how best to pursue that, not putting forward a defined plan or making a call to action.

I think we should keep in mind that just mentioning the word "boycott" is not likely to harm a business. Boycotts are notoriously difficult to put into action. Even if a campaign to boycott Gaga were justified and advisable, it wouldn't be likely to gain many participants or yield significant results. At the same time, when we take any sort of action to try to change the business practices of some kind of corporate entity, the fact that we have the power to take our business elsewhere is always a part of that, whether it's spoken or not. Even filling out a comment form to state our opposition to the use of AI subtitles is an action that only has the potential to make an impact because Gaga, like any business, knows that keeping customers happy is necessary if they're going to maintain, much less gain, a certain number of subscribers. In other words, the potential threat of losing business is inevitably part of any attempt on the part of consumers to change a business's practices whether the word "boycott" is used or not.

I agree with @wei-ying-kexing-apologist that Viki should be paying their subtitlers and that not doing so is not a sound or optimally ethical business practice. That being said, I think it takes agency away from the volunteers who work on Viki subs unjustifiably if we don't acknowledge that they choose freely to participate in creating subtitles and doubtless get a great deal of satisfaction from that participation. As someone who has worked on a fansub myself, I can attest that when you care enough about a piece of media to put in the necessary effort to create or co-create subtitles, what you want more than anything is for those subtitles to make that piece of media accessible to the broadest possible audience while maintaining accuracy toward the source material. One of the biggest differences between making a fansub and volunteering to create subs for Viki is that in the latter case, someone is profiting from the work of subtitlers. And that's absolutely important. But another salient difference is the fact that Viki subs reach a much wider audience than any fansub possibly could, which again is something that is of great value to those of us who create subtitles out of love for a particular show. I have actually considered participating in Viki's crowdsourced subtitle projects myself because of the potential impact they have. There's a lot more we could say about this complex topic, and maybe it's worthy of its own discussion. But personally, I don't think it's comparable to using AI subs for a multitude of reasons, including environmental impact and the resulting quality of the subs.

@wei-ying-kexing-apologist also made an interesting observation about Gaga being omitted from MDL listings as a streaming source in their post. I'm not entirely convinced that it's germane to this discussion. But I do think it's important to note, so I devoted a separate post to talking about it.

I think @lurkingshan's point about other services' use of AI subs is important to keep in mind. We should be taking care to apply criteria consistently. I'm not surprised that this need would stand out to a fellow social scientist like Shan, since we've had that kind of consistency drilled into us as an integral part of any legitimate effort to learn about the world. That said, I don't think this point necessarily in any way lessens the importance of responding to Gaga's AI announcement (not that I think Shan is saying that either). I'm going to circle back to this point a bit later.

I want to particularly highlight what @my-rose-tinted-glasses wrote about her experiences with Gaga's existing subtitles and her strong belief that they are already using AI-generated material. This is especially important to pay attention to as it is something that's highly likely to be invisible to those of us who are native English speakers unless we are highly fluent in another language and watch shows with subtitles in that language.

I don't know firsthand what it's like to be involved in the tumblr QL community as someone for whom English is a second (or third, fourth, etc.) language. But I've noticed that my friends who fall into this category rarely mention that fact in their posts and tend not to bring it up in private conversations until I've gotten to know them rather well. I even have some tumblr mutuals I consider real friends who have never specified what country they're from or reside in currently. (And I don't ask! If they want to tell me, they will.)

There are exceptions to this, of course. Some folks who aren't native Anglophones are very upfront about where they're from. But it's something I've seen a lot, enough that I started making a specific effort not to assume English is someone's first language or that they live in an Anglophone country unless and until that's confirmed (something I realize now I shouldn't have been doing in the first place). I've also noticed that even when folks mention that they're from a non-English speaking country, they often avoid mentioning which one specifically. That's their right, naturally. I don't mean to imply that anyone should be obligated to do so. But I think it raises the possibility that people might be concerned that they'll be scrutinized, judged, stereotyped, or pigeonholed if they mention their home country/country of origin. If that is a concern, it's probably based on their lived experience and not something to be taken lightly. As a result, I'm pretty sure that the issues with subtitles in non-English languages on sites like Gaga aren't as likely to be discussed in spaces where native Anglophones tend to dominate the space as they would be under different circumstances, even when the people in question are fluent English speakers who are more than capable of discussing those issues with us in English.

Of course, native Anglophone folks like myself don't just get to take up more space in places like the tumblr QL fan community. We also get our subtitle needs prioritized again and again. As with most forms of privilege, we didn't ask to be given this status, but we still have it and benefit from it and have an obligation to do everything we can to make things more equitable for those who don't share that status. Another way that this resembles other forms of privilege is the fact that it's largely invisible to us unless we make a point of looking for it. Occasionally circumstances will highlight it. For example, sometimes fansubs in other languages pop up for a new show while English ones don't. We might be tempted to complain before it dawns on us that we're just briefly being put in a position that non-Anglophone folks are put in on a constant basis.

I find it highly likely that English subtitles are not only more widely available but also, on average, more likely to be of decent quality. It's not hard to see how, as @my-rose-tinted-glasses's post suggests, English subtitles would also be less likely to be obviously AI-generated. For this reason, I think the native Anglophone folks among us need to be really wary of basing any assumptions about subtitles, whether it relates to quality, the likelihood AI was used in their production, or other matters, on our experiences with English subs—unless, of course, we confine ourselves to commenting on our experiences as English speakers only.

Getting back to what @my-rose-tinted-glasses said: I trust Rose's judgment on this, particularly since she has said that she has a high degree of certainty in this case. If, as she contends, Gaga is already using AI subs, what appeared to be praiseworthy transparency in their recent announcement is...not so praiseworthy. Some transparency is better than none, certainly. But if they make an announcement like this without noting current or past AI use, it's somewhat dishonest by omission.

I said above that I would come back to the point @lurkingshan made about comparing Gaga to other streaming services and her observation that she has seen people seemingly holding Gaga to a more stringent standard than other services, including calls to boycott. I don't want to detract from her salient point about consistency. There's no point in trying to engage in anything resembling "ethical consumption" if we aren't consistent in how we apply our criteria. It would clearly be indefensible to suggest that any action, whether in the form of a boycott or something else, be taken against Gaga for doing the same things other services do while ignoring their harmful practices.

But there's another side of this, I think. Gaga's specific mission to offer LGBTQ+ content and their status as a Taiwan-based business are both salient reasons to support them. I want to be very clear here: I don't think anyone involved in the subtitle discussion has advocated unwavering, unqualified support for GagaOOLaLa or suggested lowering our standards where they are concerned. But I do think that there's a temptation in conversations like this one, that kind of hangs around under the surface, to feel protective toward an explicitly LGBTQIA-oriented business in a way that could make it hard to criticize them. And falling prey to that would be a real mistake.

I believe that Gaga's commitment to the LGBTQ+ community is sincere and that the value they place on community voices is the best possible reason to support them. But their alliance with the community isn't a reason to spare them criticism. I actually think that in some ways, as long as we aren't engaging in the kind of inconsistency Shan cautions us against, it makes sense to hold them to a higher standard than we would other streaming services. This is partly because if they want our loyalty as members of the queer community they owe it to us to act in consistency with our values. That's not so different from our reasons for holding other services accountable. But I think it may be part of the reason queer community members are sometimes more unsparing when it comes to Gaga than bigger, more faceless corporations. The results can still be misguided, but I think the impulse is understandable.

But what's more important, I think, is that just as we would speak up if a friend was making a harmful choice, we owe it to organizations we value to speak out when we think they're headed in the wrong direction. Personally, I'd like to see efforts to push back against Gaga's AI usage framed more in those terms.

[schraubd]

Don't Rank Cuomo and Other Less Important Thoughts

The Democratic primary for the NYC mayoral race is today. The front-runner has been former Governor Andrew Cuomo, but he's facing a stiff challenge from a surging Zohran Mamdani, who's aligned with the Democratic Socialists of America. I don't live in New York, obviously. But I've been casually following the race, and I do have some thoughts. 1) Don't rank Cuomo. That's the mantra of nearly all the progressives in the race, and it is correct. It's not just that Cuomo is a sex pest (though, dayenu). He was also an awful governor who actively sabotaged Democratic prospects in New York in order to promote his own presidential ambitions -- and yet was so manifestly incompetent he ended up wrecking his presidential ambitions too! Personally mendacious, hostile to his own party, and piss-poor political instincts? No. Get this guy out of here. And honestly, "don't rank Cuomo" is, far and away, the most important thought. 2) David endorses Lander. Not that it matters, but if I had a vote in New York I'd probably rank Brad Lander first. I always liked him. And with ranked choice voting, I could do it without worrying that I was tossing my vote away and/or involuntarily supporting Cuomo. 3) The NYT's cowardly Cuomo quasi-endorsement is nauseating. The NYT recently said it would stop issuing endorsements in local races (why?). But that makes this editorial, where it twisted itself in knots to not-expressly-say it is endorsing Cuomo while effectively endorsing Cuomo because Mamdani is just too lefty and scary, the most spineless thing I've seen in opinion journalism since everything the Washington Post has done over the past 8 months. 4) I'd rank Mamdani. But... I think there is a lot to like about Mamdani. He's clearly better than Cuomo (see #1, above). And I don't think he's antisemitic. But people are allowed to not like his evasive defense of the phrase "globalize the intifada". His response to that question is a reasonable source of criticism, and he can take those lumps. 5) It's not cheating when they don't roll over. On that note, one of the single most annoying habits of the Bernie/DSA wing of the left is how they act as if it's cheating when more centrist candidates don't just roll over and let them win. "The DNC conspired to defeat Bernie Sanders and coronate Joe Biden" -- no it didn't. Biden ran a campaign and beat Sanders, fair and square. That's how democracy works. In any given race, I hope my preferred candidate or faction wins, but I don't expect the opponent to not try (see also: Democrats are responsible for MAGAism because Barack Obama inexcusably refused to just concede the 2012 race to Mitt Romney). We're already seeing similar moaning about how "the Democratic establishment" apparently moved heaven and earth to anoint Cuomo and defeat Mamdani. Again, I think Cuomo is scum, and there are absolutely things he's done in his campaign which aren't kosher. But yes, the left-wing of the Democratic Party is going to have to actually win races where their opponents show up -- it's not going to have things handed to them. Grow up.  6) If Mamdani does win, he should get a chance to govern. That's the perquisite of winning, and he deserves a fair shot. And I'm still curious how DSA domestic policies will play out if implemented (though I still wish we had gotten a test-run a bit further from spotlight in Buffalo). That said, the fact that he won't have a perfectly pliant city council and agreeable municipal bureaucracy putting his policies on a glide path is not sabotage, it's city politics. Much like having to actually win an election against an opposition that's actively campaigning, one is not being sabotaged when one faces the same basic set of obstacles and frictions that are inherent features of local governance in a large city with diverse stakeholders via The Debate Link https://ift.tt/EDMnBXQ

[the-trinket-witch]

15, 22, and 29 for Al and Eu!

(Pride Prompts)

15. How long did it take for your OC to accept themselves? What factors played into it? 22. Has your OC's fashion sense changed since coming out? How so? 29. If your OC plans on getting married one day, what are they, (and their partner(s)) wearing on their special day? (Feel free to elaborate on the whole event if you want to)

15. Al's not to say 'always' had some inkling that he had some ways to go to fit in his own skin, but there were tells. - Never liked the constraints his dad would put on him as to what 'proper' meant - Couldn't stand having hair anywhere on the neck (always had it tied as a kid) It was around 14 one of his classmates flat out (after Al lamenting on what puberty had in store for him) just said "Then why not just be a boy?" It was something he talked to his mom about and, because of her work at the library, found some materials for him to research more.

22. Outside of actively shopping in the 'mens' section? Probably leaning more into button ups and semi-formal wear.

29. He wouldn't ever be opposed to the idea; very likely the three of them (Al/Azul/Jade) would find a way to marry -on paper- in such a way to get the most tax/economic benefits. (It's also easier to get into places one shouldn't if they refer to their spouse as 'My Husband' rather than 'My Romantic Roommate' or whathaveyou)

Of course, the Leech's have to make a show of it, to announce who's supporting the next Head of the Family. Mama Ashengrotto, though, is going to insist on an Earnest, Lovely ceremony (for photo albums and networking...but mostly photos). Al's fam? He's probably only informing cousins and other in-laws from Jon/Maria's marriage. Jon'll find out through the grapevine. Of course, his new sons-in-law aren't above having a little fun in gaslighting him 'We invited you~ You didn't get our RSVP?' (they didn't)

15. They grew up hearing old stories from their grandparents and their grandparents and so on, so they got to hear about men, women, (And the rest who DGAF) who did amazing things under the Mexican Banner, they got to wondering why society got so hung up on a binary. Coming to TW, though, kicked that into further gear, because now there's nonhumans??? So what does gender matter? There's more important shit to worry about like equity among species.

22. They've taken to trying different cuts of clothes and styles. the benefit of getting isekai'd is that they have the benefit of not being pigeon-holed into a specific idea of what they should dress like. 'What? I always dress like this.'

29. They just wanna figure out what the next year's gonna look like 😭Are they gonna be able to go home? are they stuck? Will they need a summer job? How will they get all their identity on record if they poofed into existence?

taglist:

@ceruleancattail @squidwen @thecosmicjackalope @vaporvipermedia @writing-heiress

@oya-oya-okay @k-looking-glass-house @thehollowwriter @rainesol @cyn-write

@heartscrypt @br3adtoasty @jackiecronefield @ruggiethethuggie

@hoboyherewego @achy-boo @oreoskys @oseathepebble @ramshacklerumble

@tunabesimpin @hamstergal @fumikomiyasaki @valse-a-mille-temps

@hallowed-delights @kimikitti @cyanide-latte @thetwstwildcard @atwstedstory

@comingyourlugubriousness @ice-cweam-sod4 @twst-the-night-away @nammanarin @scint1llat3

@tixdixl @prince-kallisto @candiedchiliarch

[junglefurytrash]

>Climbs through window >Falls over

Hello Jungle Fury Fandom (all 10 of us) I come baring gifts of ramblings and headcanons!

So I believe that the three stripes of Pai Zhua represent the three core traits that help with determining (partially) what makes a Pai Zhua Master (which also helps to explain why the trio jump to concluding that about themselves in Welcome to the Jungle Part 2, because this was in their teachings). - Casey is the Strength, an important trait in a leader. He's able to take hits for his teammates, he's able to get back up and keep going even when getting hardcore beat (he's the first to get up and unlock Jungle Master Mode in Ghost of a Chance Part 2, and also shakes off Stingerella's poison oddly well), and he has the strength to see his own desires come true (like being a Master and saving Jarrod). - Theo is the Brains, though I'd honestly more say he is both that and Courage. As much as he is greatly intelligent and skilled, a good planner and multi-tasker, a lot of his arc involves him needing to find courage to face his own flaws; Being able to accept defeat/failure, being able to focus on the present and his own self-worth, accepting that he can't be good at everything he does, and stepping out of his brother's shadow. - Lily is the heart, kind, empathetic, and grounded in her humanity. She's always looking out for the others and showing concern for their health and wellbeing, she (unknowingly) hears Camille out and gives them an outlet for their distress, and always does her best to see the good in people when she can. She wears her heart on her sleeve for the world to see and even when it gets hurt she doesn't stop having faith and compassion in her friends.

This is our trio who eventually were the Chosen Protectors, the Chosen Trio "who are the only ones that could defeat Dai Shi".

BUT!

I would like to make the argument that this trio can be completed by other characters.

I raise you: Casey, Camille, and Jarrod.

Initially my brain went to this sort of "layout" for lack a better term. - Casey instead is now Brains/Courage. As the Red Ranger he's needed to think quickly and efficiently, come up with strategies, and take gambles he predicted would pay off. But alongside that intelligence he's also needed to be brave and have courage, most notably facing the monster in his closet as a child (which you can also read as him finding the courage to come out the closet), and finding the courage to chase after Jarrod and save him. - Jarrod is the Strength. Probably the obvious place to put him in this trio, he's the Lion, the strong one, the king of the jungle. Dai Shi chose him because he was powerful, and he proved he could be; Even before gaining any of his later powers while possessed, he defeated his opponent and was able to knock down Mao in Welcome to the Jungle Part 1. When it comes to his own metaphorical strength and self-resolve, the guy was able to eventually face his own demons, expel Dai Shi from his body, and fight back against him - He needed a support system to build up that strength, but he found it and found himself. - Camille is the Heart of the trio, again a bit of an obvious initial choice placement. While she can come off as cold to some, she always seeks for her feelings to be reciprocated by somebody, to love and to be loved. It was her who refused to give up on Jarrod first, and it was her who's love and dedication (first to Dai Shi, then to Jarrod) that allowed Jarrod to gain a foothold in getting out of Dai Shi's grasp. She was to him, above all else, loyal, doting, and compassionate, the only one beyond Lily she dared show her Heart to.

But then I realised, that these three can be swapped around and can fit all three of these core traits!

Jarrod remains the same in his position as Strength, while Casey and Camille can be swapped. - Casey needed to learn to love himself for a majority of the season, learn that he WAS a good leader, that he couldn't be replaced, and that he was his own strength - Ultimately, it was him listening to his heart that made him go after Jarrod, and him listening to and understanding Jarrod's own heart and what the man was going through when confronting Mao. - Camille meanwhile was the strategist of Dai Shi's people; She was the one who came up with nearly all the plans against the Rangers, even if they never properly succeeded. Hell, her own Animal Spirit trait is that she is "Cunning"; She's crafty, able to deceive and trick, and that takes intelligence (also she does the newspaper crossword, which is equal parts point proving and amusing, and the fact she can understand cloning and genetic engineering during Maryl and the Monkeys indicates she is highly intelligent). But Courage also applies to her as well, as she had to learn to be able to take a stand against her own side, the people who were very abusive to her, and leave a toxic environment to be with people who loved her. Plus, she chose the Phoenix Spirit as her Phantom General upgrade, and what did Casey himself call the Phoenix Spirit in Super Megaforce? Brave and Resilient.

Another switch up I found worked was Casey remaining Strength and Camille remaining Brains/Courage, but Jarrod being the Heart. He is a man capable of a great amount of love and good morals; As a child he refused to cheat, he refused to fight back and break code, and he refused to let The Fishers lose their farm and did his best to help them. And though his heart became tainted enough to let Dai Shi in, he never lost it; Just as Camille reached out for Jarrod, Jarrod reached out for Camille, able to break through Dai Shi's stranglehold to be able to save her when she was going to be destroyed. Dai Shi always taunted and convinced Jarrod that he had the Strength, but not the Heart of a Lion, and Jarrod was able to prove him wrong and prove to be a noble and good man.

Additionally, what about Camille being the Strength of the Trio? While she wasn't the strongest of the series, she proved to be a great force in her own right. She was always striving to be stronger, always striving to prove that she was capable, protecting Dai Shi from the likes of Naja; That eventually was REWARDED by Dai Shi by giving her the Phantom Beast General position. If she had been weak, she wouldn't have been his right-hand woman in the heirarchy of the temple to begin with, much less be able to reach General. And in terms of personal strength, she learned to find the strength to stand up for herself and make her own decisions, predominantly in trying to help Dai Shi by reviving Jellica on her own accord and standing up to the Overlord (she only caved when Jellica was directly hurting Dai Shi/Jarrod, her Heart's key weak spot), but more importantly when Dai Shi was siphoning Jarrod's power and hurting him, and Camille found the strength within herself to finally stand up to Dai Shi and follow her own path (to the point she absorbed and reflected an attack back AT Dai Shi in the final battle, more on that later).

And then what about Jarrod as the Brains & Courage? When it comes to smarts, Jarrod & Dai Shi were always looking for ways to become one step ahead of whoever was opposing them: Using Naja's life talons to revive the Overlords, seeking out ways to master Zocato and then immediately remembering and seeking out the Rhino Nexus upon Master Mao saying just a word, creating a test for the Phantom Beast Generals to prove he wouldn't be backstabbed agan, and immediately knowing that Scorch was c ompletely bullshitting him when they said they didn't know where Camille was nor what happened to her (that is especially key for Jarrod). His Courage is partially tied to his metaphorical strength in how he fought off Dai Shi and eventually expelled the Spirit - Namely the fact that he had to find the Courage within himself to stand against him for a final time, and take the gamble that he trusted would pay off in weakening the Dragon and surviving.

It was never about just one trio of "Chosen Protectors". It was about two intertwined trios of Chosen Protectors, one able to make the cracks in the stone wall that the other could then take advantage of and destroy.

If anything, though, I think there was never a definitive "Three Protectors". I think they ALL played a part in Dai Shi's defeat. It always confused me why 10,000 years ago they needed seven Masters (Mao, Guin, Lope, Rilla, Finn, Swoop, and Phant) to SEAL Dai Shi, and yet they needed only the Chosen Three Protectors/Masters to DESTROY Dai Shi forever??

But then I thought about it, and. It wasn't just Casey, Lily and Theo who destroyed him. They FINISHED him, but they didn't do everything. RJ and Dominic attacked in the Wolf Pride and Rhino Warrior Mode Megazords. Camille struck at him when Dai Shi went to attack Casey, Lily and Theo, absorbing and sending back his own power against him. And Jarrod launched himself at Dai Shi and blasted him with his full power from the inside.

Casey, Lily, Theo, RJ, Dominic, Camille, and Jarrod. Seven.

Seven individuals with enough Heart, Strength, Brains, and Courage in their Spirit to vanquish the Dragon.

Feels poetic, in my opinion.

[misc-obeyme]

You know how every Demon brother stands for a sin, CC? Thus, I wondered: What if Mc is the opposite of their sins, aka their virtues and their dating? I'm a sucker for Opposite attracts.

Pride vs Humility:

Lucifer with a humble Mc, someone who doesn't think of themselves as better than anyone else. Even when they have accomplished a lot in their lives, Mc who truly embodies humility never allows it to make them egotistical or unfairly proud, and they prioritise the needs and feelings of others first. Mc, who encourages Lucifer to weigh his options and assists him in doing so by asking him what he desires to do and assisting him in being more vulnerable.

Greed vs Charity

Mammon with a Generous Mc, who's good-hearted, and they have a heart of gold. Mc who donates goods or cash to charity or provides various forms of assistance to those in need. Mc, who adores Mammon regardless of his wealth and belongings, even going above and above to assist him with assignments and other tasks.

Envy vs Kindness

Leviathan with a Mc who's very kind to themselves and the people around them. Regardless of differences, they have a tendency to treat others with respect and are compassionate and understanding. Mc, who supports Leviathan by urging him to recognise his blessings and serving as a reminder of his own accomplishments and strengths.

Wrath vs Patience

Satan with a Patient Mc, Someone who is patient and understands that good things come to those who are willing to wait for what they want. They have the ability to restrain their feelings and inclinations. Mc, who always maintains their composure when conversing with Satan and calming him down before anything bad can happen.

Lust vs. Chastity (This is a little more difficult)

Asmodeus with a Mc who's much more modest and pure. They are truthful, trustworthy, and attentive to others, and perhaps they also have a limited libido. For them, Asmodeus is far more than just the lustful avatar. Non-sexual closeness, the small moments together. Hiding a hair strand behind their ear. Gazing intently at one another or putting my arm around them in front of others. Exchanging meaningful and in-depth discussions with one another. the kind where you feel fully understood when you open up to someone and share yourself.

Gluttony vs Temperance

Beelzebub with a Mc who demonstrates restraint, possesses a sharp mind, moderates their eating and drinking, and does not overindulge. Mc, who tries to assist Beelzebub in mindful eating AND is aware that Beelzebub is powerless over his ravenous appetite. Perhaps they might even go on Excerise together to take his mind off his hunger.

Sloth vs Diligence

Belphegor with a diligent Mc, who is always trying to get things done; who is focused and determined to do everything. Mc, who supports Belphegor by encouraging him to take baby steps and letting him concentrate on one work at a time, and helps him become more productive. Just being optimistic and encouraging. Perhaps even sharing a common goal together and/or doing a task together (e.g., working out together).

This got a little bit long, I'm sorry.

Never apologize for length! Not in my ask box, anyway!

This is a very interesting concept, anon! If I'm remembering right, the seven sorcerer stars we had to obtain in season three of the OG were named after the virtues, which I found interesting. Though I don't know that it meant anything...

As with most things in life, I think it's important to have a balance. Like yes, maybe MC being more based in the virtue allows them to sort of assist their demon with overcoming their sin. But wouldn't it also be interesting if MC was influenced by the sin, too?

For instance, you've got Belphie with a diligent MC. And sometimes they do get things done and are more efficient than perhaps Belphie would be on his own. But then sometimes, Belphie's influence wins instead and MC decides to do something like take a nap rather than finish their homework.

I just think it'd be fascinating if it was a bit of a push and pull situation. They constantly have to work with each other and sometimes the virtue wins out and sometimes the sin does instead.

I suppose I like the idea that neither the virtue nor the sin is the more "correct" thing, if that makes sense. I know the virtue is supposed to be the morally good option if you're looking at it as virtue vs sin, but I personally don't believe in the concept of sin at all. So I inevitably look at it as two sides of the same coin where neither side is preferable, but each is needed in order to have the other.

It's an important duality and I think it would mean that MC and their demon of choice would fit together nicely in the way that opposites sometimes do. Where they are the same, but they are different and together they make something entirely new...

[bitimdrake]

I don't know if you've already been asked this, but I was wondering if you could rank the Gotham vigilantes by combat level? Like, I've heard Black Canary is actually a really skilled martial artist, and was wondering how they compare to each other.

This question first puts forth how we classify Gotham vigilantes. Black Canary is indeed a vigilante who has often been in Gotham, but can we truly call her first and foremost a Gotham vigilante? What about the other Birds of Prey? The Outsiders? Alan Scott? Catwoman I think is safe to count by now, but Harley and Ivy have had more recent rehabilitations so?? For sanity, I'm going to keep this fairly limited.

Second it illuminates for me personally the gaps in my knowledge. I have barely read about Kate Spencer/Manhunter and skipped a lot of Kate Kane/Batwoman. I haven't read much after Flashpoint. And hey, what is even going on with Bette Kane these days?

Anyway my primary answers to what you've sent here are:

You have heard correct; Dinah is indeed known as a very skilled martial artist.

Trying to rank vigilantes one-by-one is a fool's errand and will only lead to petty infighting about "no my fave should be better" and "this comic where X won a fight against Y is clear proof, and that other comic where they lost against Y is clearly OOC"/"no, it's the other way around!!!" arguments. There is no clear order, no matter what anyone might try to convince you of, and characters will almost always be portrayed stronger and cooler in their own books, and weaker and not as good as supporting characters in someone else's book.

I think at most we should do rankings in groups:

She Gets Her Own Category

It is simply narratively important to Cassandra Cain's story for her to be the best in the world, in a way that it is not and never has been important to any of the others' narratives. Based on the metric of who's won what fight, you could maybe argue this, but based on narrative weight, no way. And I put story first, so. Perfect for a year, etc etc.

Top Tier Adult Vigilantes

Dinah, Bruce, Dick, Jean-Paul Valley, Jason, etc. Helena probably goes here, although I remember less focus on her hand-to-hand since the crossbow is so iconic.

Put two from this group in a fight, and it's not a terrible stretch for the writer to pick either as the victor.

You Go, Kid

Tim, Stephanie in and after her Batgirl era, and I think current Damian although my knowledge after the reboot tapers off.

Gonna be a struggle for them to beat one of the adults above, but they are still incredibly good fighters.

Trying Their Best

Pre-Batgirl Stephanie, early Damian. Both have grown out of it since, but in Steph's early years we were regularly being told or shown that she just didn't have the training to hold up to other Gotham vigilantes. And though Damian was surely a fantastic martial artist for a ten-year-old, it was also made regularly clear in his early preboot appearances that he wasn't half as good as he thought he was, and the older vigilantes could kick his ass if they wanted to.

[valentine-cafe]

Hello. How are you? I hope I'm not bothering you. Which tablet and program do you use for drawing? Do you have any advice on drawing?

﹙ 🍒. ﹚ ─── Hello dear!!! Here's what Eden and I use for art!

Eden has a samsung tablets and uses Hipaint ( I don't know which tablet version it is specifically - )

I use an Ipad pro and operate on Procreate and Hipaint! My most frequently used brushes are from this lovely artist Nurin ( SUPPORT HER SHE IS SO TALENTED LAWD. )

As for some advice?

Well, brace yourself bbg, imma bout to get ya some.

References:

Never forget to use references. It is so important. Don't listen to all of those artists out there telling you it's cheating and to wing it and learn that way ( reality of it all is you won't learn much because you don't sit down and study the way things work. )

Concept art / general art:

If you are doing concept art, and you have a finish deadline, don't sit and worry on imperfections during the sketch or the midway process. Go with your intuiton and what feels right and then, you can focus on the details and rendering stuff to look the way you want it to when you're getting to the end

STUDYING OTHER ART STYLES !!!

This one has become such a controversial topic over the years and I don't know for what fucking reason, how are we supposed to improve and learn if we can't be inspired by other art styles? Look, in each and every style we come across that we enjoy, utilise some of the things you see! put it all together and make it your own style. It's so important.

Look at professional artists and hear their advice:

One thing I ( howl ) learnt as a self-taught artist, is that you're gonna have to get out of your shell of learning all by yourself and get advice and help from other professional artists, whether it's someone you know in your daily life or it is video lessons you sit down and watch, free or not.

I highly recommend looking at artists like: TB choi, Sinix, Samdoesart, Coleshairlesscat, Nirami, and there are probably many more ( I am forgetful baby ).

Allow yourself to take in the advice given and you will see improvements q u i c k.

keep sketchin:

This is also such an annoying thing to hear as an artist. New or not. Especially if you've struggled with sketching in the past or now. It is vital to sketch. Whether that becomes a full illustration or not, that's okay. What is important is that you keep your hands busy and acquaint them with the memory of the flow you are most comfortable with artstyle considered.

Don't. Force. Yourself:

Now with the topic up above, if you feel as though you aren't drawing enough and you need to draw more and you have to and- woah. man. calm down. That becomes very stressing, doesn't it?

You have to allow yourself to take breaks in art, and stop fearing whether or not you will lose all the knowledge you know. Because the truth is, if you force yourself to do art that doesn't come with natural inspiration, you propably still won't be satisfied with it ( if you end up being and it helps you, great, proud of you! )

there are times in the work of a fulltime artist where this will be necessary to force yourself a little, but don't do it to the extent that you burn out.

You give yourself a little nudge and say: lets go. Rather than push yourself into waters you currently can't swim in.

Stop telling yourself you have art blockage:

I learnt this one from Cole !!! The more you start telling yourself you can't draw because "something is in the way" the more you create a placebo effect of you actually not being able to draw. You will always be able to draw! You will always be able to make art. Whether you think it's good or not. It's still art that you have made, and it's still beautiful. Stop telling yourself you have a block for inspiration and will to do art, because you don't. You can and will always be able to create art.

Some advice from Eden and I:

don't stress yourself with the process of art, it is something you are supposed to enjoy. Yes. When you feel the frustration creep up ( because all artists do in their life at one point ) walk away from it.

Take a breather. a 15 minute or more breather, for your eyes to adjust to how everything looks on your canvas. And then you can decide whether you like it or not. But don't get disappointed, or mad at yourself for not doing so, instead, be inspired, try to be inspired by this and then say: "okay, then we try again." And the more you keep going, the further you'll come and at the end, you'll be satisfied.

Also important!!! Don't be ashamed of not having as many illustrations as big pieces done as sketches guys ( fluttering eyelashes ) you should see my folders and the average folder of bigger artists as well KEKW

I truly hoped that this helped darlin'!

Have a good one, and to all of you, always remember to support your fellow artists!!

[erbiumspectrum]

Returning to my post on my recent struggles here because I want to contemplate some of the things that were said in the comments. Honestly, I didn't expect so many people to share their thoughts! Thank you all for the things you said, be it your own experiences, advice or simply words of support. I don't know if this sort of saying exists in English, but in my language we sometimes say that kindness returns and I'm certain it'll return to you guys too. So many wise, thought-provoking things were said I'm not sure I'll be able to reflect on them all, but bit by bit I'll try.

I want to start with @chemistrss ' comment as it was particularly striking to me, and for two reasons at that. One of them being that back in school I used to have another Albert Einstein quote taped above my desk - it went something like, "I'm neither exceptionally smart nor exceptionally gifted. I am only very, very curious." Not that I believed him, that brilliant bastard. He was definitely exceptional. But that was a comforting thought nevertheless, that your curiosity was more important than your innate "giftedness" but also that you could be quite brilliant and not see it yourself.

The other reason for why that comment had such a deep impression on me is rather straightforward. Because I mean, isn't that completely true? Isn't it true that if you zoom out of your fears and insecurities, it's actually so much better to be of average skill among smart people than it is to be the definite best among average people? What's left to learn when you already know everything and nobody around has anything to teach you?

I had an internship this past summer. When it started, it turned out there were a lot of PhD students from many different countries there, so we all had to use English most of the time. At first I thought, cool! I'm going to practice my scientific English! I'm going to learn so much! Except I soon realized - and please bear in mind I'm not quick to brag - that I'm the best English speaker around. I learnt nothing new. Sure, it felt really nice not to struggle trying to put my thoughts into words, but I gained nothing from that experience.

Similarly, I never give myself any credit for how proper my lab work is. It consists of a lot of small things, but I'd say they're still pretty meaningful. If you don't have any experience working in a wet lab: sometimes to transfer liquids from one vessel to another we use glass pipettes. In order to suck the liquid into the pipette we use rubber pumps. Once you attach the rubber pump, it's important not to hold the pipette horizontally (or god forbid upside down!!!) because then the remains of the liquid may trickle down into the pump and make it pretty much useless until it's cleaned thoroughly - and I've heard that's rather annoying to do. And people forget about it all the time! My friends keep putting those down on the counters and I'm always like tHe PuMp ThOuGh.

It's only a single example, but I'm most often the one to pay attention to this sort of detail. That's something someone else can learn from me!

There isn't any definite conclusion here. What is this? Nature? I simply wanted to muse on these things.